I say many times that Dave is still Dave, but a modified Dave. There are plenty of things that he can no longer do because his brain cannot make the connections. Remember, Alzheimer's is a disease of the brain. There are still plenty of things he can still do.
Around the house he continues to be the sole caretaker of the cat. Not long after we got Sophia he decided he would take care of the litter box and feeding her, he continues to do that without any problems. He is still the one that I call on to hold her while I put her monthly flea medication on. As I said before he can still set the table, do the dishes (we have no dishwasher), runs the vacuum cleaner. He continues to help with folding and putting away the laundry. Our big vegetable garden is a thing of the past but we still plant flowers and make sure the beds are weeded.
"DAD!" or "DAVE!" is still yelled across the house when we have a creepy bug or spiders that need to be killed. When Sophia brought in the tail of a lizard she thought she caught and a poor baby bunny he was the one we called on to get rid of them both. He may not be the spiritual leader to our family as he once was but he still prays for his family and friends.
We still make important family decisions together like any other couple. It may take more explaining to him and a little longer to make a final decision but we are still a couple together.
You see, he is still Dave.
I have had people ask specifically about certain aspects of Dave's progression, like is he aware of what is going on, can he remember who you are etc.. I don't mind those questions because they are specific and we have no problem answering those kind of questions and it at least gives us the feeling that the person asking has some knowledge of the disease.
When asking how someone is that has Alzheimer's it is not the same as asking how someone is that has Cancer, the flu, or who has had surgery. Usually the answer is more positive....the treatments are going well, their hair is growing back, the fever is gone, the surgery took care of the problem, but with Alzheimer's the answer that is given depends on the day the hour and sometimes that very moment.
I always tell Dave what I am writing about and ask him if he has anything to say or add and he usually says "No, you did a good job at explaining things." This time he actually had this to say:
"I find this stage the hardest. I know that I can't remember things
and when I see you doing things I keep thinking I should be able
to do that but yet I can't remember how to do it. I know some
people are uncomfortable talking to me and I wish I could make them
understand that they shouldn't be embarrassed, I want to make them
comfortable. I hate when we are out and people talk around me like I am
not even there. I am still aware enough to know that we no longer get visitors
or phone calls and I know people don't believe you when you tell them I don't
do well in crowds, its hard to understand people talking all at once, I can only
keep one thought in my head at a time. I hate to say that I get scared to be out
when it is late because when I am tired I have a hard time with things. I almost
can't wait until I become totally unaware of my surroundings because then it won't
hurt as much to know certain people (dave was specific but due to the personal
nature of our conversation I will not give names) have walked away and I am
not totally sure why. I hate knowing that I don't know things and I have no interest
in the things I used to do. This is not how things were supposed to be."
Things are different now. We had plans and dreams that will no longer be accomplished but we still have years ahead of us to enjoy each other and family. The man that I married who enjoyed gardening, hunting, camping, fishing and barbecues and had a quick wit may not be the same man sitting next to me now but I can look in his eyes and still see that deep down inside Dave is still there and continues to be active as best he can be.
Monica
No comments:
Post a Comment