sharing another's view point

i had another post in mind to write but i asked and received permission from another caregiver to share with you what he wrote about his journey that he and his family are on with his wife's early onset alzheimer's. it is beautifully written and i can't think of a better analogy that is so easy to visualize. 

"The Sled

January 15, 2014 at 7:58pm

Once upon a time there was a normal family. The man, the woman, and the two children. Like other families, they had a large sled which they pulled up hills, and rode downhill. Upon this sled rode various crates. They had labels, as most crates do. These crates made pulling the sled uphill a task. Not an unbearable task, but a task nevertheless.

They were proud of their sled. It was built very sturdy. Only the finest wood was used, and the runners were made of very strong and resilient steel. The Man took pride in keeping their sled ready and able to carry their load on their daily journey. Daily they left their home to pull the sled. Pulling uphill together took teamwork, and they all did their part. The Children were out to the side of the sled as this was safer. If the sled moved forward to fast, they would be able to jump on top and go for a ride. The couple pulled as one, always aware of the other, keeping a rhythm that they were comfortable with, and got them where they needed to go. As they went on their journey, it was only natural that they saw and accumulated things and memories that were important to them and their children.The things they put in one of the boxes, and the memories were stored in a far more solid, and important crate. They enjoyed the trail they were making. The hills they climbed were at times difficult. But it taught them how to pull together when they needed to, and also the slope downward gave them freedom to ride, enjoy the view, and think and do their separate thinking. One day as the couple were talking about how their children were growing into fine young kids, there appeared a new crate on the sled. It was there.... right in the middle of the sled. It took up space, but no one seemed to want or bring attention to it. After all, it didnt weigh much, and they were too busy with the ups and downs of their journey to think much about it. After one especially busy, hard day, the man noticed his wife was putting her memories into this new box. He didn't ask her why, he was afraid of the answer. He had noticed that his wife, while she was still able to pull with him up the hills, her attention and her gaze kept going to that new  box on the sled. When he finally did ask her  why she was putting her memories into this new box, she just shrugged her shoulders and couldn't explain why. As the days and the time passed, the woman found it harder to keep up with the daily routine of pulling the sled, riding on it, watching the children, all the fun things she had always done. Now it took alot of effort to do these tasks, and she started to forget the reason why they were on this journey in the first place. The man could no longer deny seeing his wife struggle. One day when they had time, they stopped on their journey and asked a very intelligent man about this new box on the sled, and why was his wife having these memories go into this box? The wise man knew the answer. The box is called Alzheimer's. He told the couple that all her memories were being stolen by this box. And as he explained to them, this box will be with them until the journey is over. It will be full of her memories, and she will not get to keep her new memories anymore. Well the man did not want to listen to this anymore. He read about this box, and thought about this box, and surely he could get this box off his sled. Between pulling the sled, trying to make their journey seem just like all their friends paths, the children were now pulling more and riding much less on this sled. This made both the man and wife sad. They should be riding and laughing, not pulling and struggling so hard. One day the man seemed to wake up from a dream. His wife was not pulling on the rope with him anymore. Oh yes, once for a moment she would have the strength to do it with her husband and children, but more often than not, she started sitting in the big box they could not remove from the sled. The whole family was pulling together, but their  power seemed to be waning. The hills seemed steeper, and the ride down was shorter. A moment arrived where the man and the children could no longer pull their sled anymore. The path through was uncertain, the load too heavy. The man would pull, and pull, and he could not move it anymore. The woman was sad, the children were crying and worried about their father. The man was worried about everyone. He was full of despair. Just when he was about to give up hope, he heard voices coming from far away. Who were these people and their sleds? One person came up to the family and told them that their sled was far to heavy for them. They must let others help pull it from this day forward. The man felt his insides burst. He felt defeated by the big  box on the sled. He missed his wife pulling with him. He hated to see his children explain about the box, and all the things they had to do to help. The person who had talked to him reached down and tied the sleds together. All in all, there were a large group now coming over the hill to help. They tied their sleds together, and when the person said to pull, they all pulled. The sled started moving. They made it to the crest of the hill where others stood by. They walked over to the mans sled and  picked up the box that would not leave. But they took his wife too. Now she would ride on their sled. The man had no choice, he said ok. From this day on, you have the rope for our sled. We will still be there to steer, and curse the big box. The man reached over and told the family, we have to pull together, by ourselves,we cannot go forward. The man and the children are still on their journey, and daily they find others with their sleds. So many sleds. Too many boxes."