I know this is a late post but it has taken us a few days to finally decide to take our Christmas decorations down. We are still in the midst of arranging furniture and putting other things in order. Taking down the tree and decorations is a chore I dread but this time I really dreaded it! It seems that with each item being put away the "magic" of Christmas slowly disappeared. After finally getting into the spirit of Christmas there were a few days when everything seemed like old times and I dreaded going back to the reality of our lives. We were busy baking, decorating and visiting with our kids and it was easy to stay distracted. Having Gabriella home was nice, it gave both of us someone else to talk to.
We hear all the time how the holidays are a source of depression and let down and usually I don't worry too much about it but this year I think Dave was having some delayed effects. On Monday he was having a bad day. I noticed that for a few days he has seemed really tired. He has stated that he is having some really bad dreams. He has not been able to remember them enough to tell me what they are but stated that one was really "dark" and he had a hard time shaking it off. Dave has never been able to remember his dreams, so much so that he thought he never had them. He was teary eyed most of the day, it hurts when you can't fix whatever is causing those feelings. He said he was having a "feeling sorry for myself" kind of day. I think there is more to it than that but he isn't ready to talk yet. He hasn't looked good to me but just can't pin point what it is. We decided to find errands to run so we could keep busy outside of the house.
Tuesday was my bad day. Not sure why but I was in a bad mood all day! When I am like that I try not to talk too much so I don't say something that will be hurtful, thankfully Dave understands that so he doesn't feel ignored. I think part of the reason for my bad mood was that I am having a hard time putting things in order and furniture is all over, I can't stand for my house to be such a mess! We are going to get rid of some furniture, after having a piece of furniture unexpectedly delivered (it was from dad's "estate") after we had our house moved around to accommodate the Christmas tree we now have to accommodate it. So we have been in discussion as to what to get rid of - the brown couch or the two chairs. If you have been to our house and seen or sat in either piece of furniture give us your vote...couch or chairs? I have to get rid of them SOON I am tired of being crowded and we can't seem to decide. I also still have a hard time dealing with the fact that it is not always a good thing for Dave to drive alone, so when tubs had to be taken to the storage I drove when what I really wanted to do was stay home and clean and move furniture. It takes twice as long to accomplish things now and I can't seem to adjust. I know this makes me sound crabby and impatient and some days I am, can't deny it. I was looking forward to having the house in order as Dave was looking forward to getting started painting and I wanted him to try while he was feeling in the mood but because things took so long he didn't get a chance to paint. I hope he will feel like it another day.
On top of all this I still have lots of thank you notes to write! Good thing I don't do resolutions or I would have failed in no time at all! I know that I am not "Super Woman" or a "Super Housewife" but like Samantha used to do on "Bewitched", I wish I could just wriggle my nose and have it all be done!
Monica
So glad to hear that you had a great new year celebration, you all deserve it! The year was not the best but you ended in a joyful mood and that was a good thing. Hopefully this is signs of better things to come. I had a great time on new years; Laura and Ana had both been sick so they were home. Of course Dave was out celebrating. I was glad to end the year on a happy note!
ReplyDeleteI agree that the holidays are happy/sad times and I think somewhere along the line someone experienced it and this is how the saying got started. So, we all experience that feeling at one time or another. Maybe its an end to the celebration of the holidays, a reflection of the good and bad things or just plain exhaustion at all levels from the year. Putting away all of the decorations does make it feel like we have to go back to reality; funny how symbols can make a difference in our moods!
Its got to be hard having to handle so many things but even though you have to do the majority of the things at least you still have Dave at your side. But I am sure you know that and feel that; just doesn't always make it easier. By the way, I opt for you to keep the couch and get rid of the chairs!
Maybe Dave's dreams are his way of feeling the sadness at the end of the holidays, all the fun and joyful distractions. He knows reality comes back and he knows he will not be able to help you like he did in the past. I am sure this plays on his mind. (I hope this is it and nothing more!) I am also sure it plays onboth of your minds that Gabriella will be going back to school and that in and of itself could be depressing because someone else with you both throught the day gives you other distractions! I know it does me.
I have started taking down my decorations and that is going to take me a few days. I would like to wiggle my nose too! But, I guess I will just have to take my time and do what I can. I always wonder why I continue to decorate to the extent I do!! Oh well, I like it at the time!
I love you and hope you are in a better place today. Oh yeah, I didn't make any resolutions this year except to get back to exercising and watching what I eat. This is not a resolution just a thought and conversation with myself and I haven't listened very well or thought very hard! Lol
Love and prayers to all of you! I will talk with you soon!
Linda